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At some point in the child’s life they had a traumatic experience with spiders. This created a deep fear that the programme turns on every time they see a spider or think about a spider.
There is something very important in that last sentence – the fear can be turned on by seeing a spider or just by thinking about it. The flight or flight reaction is equally turned on by real and imagined events. Imagination is just as powerful as the real thing.
NLP replaces the phobia programme with a more helpful program that gets you the results you want. In this example you replace your phobic reaction with one that is more appropriate ie youe ignore the spider the same way as you ignore other every day objects that are no interest to you. By the way - you could even replace the phobic reaction with one of enjoyment ie every time you see a spider you get real pleasure out of it. However, this would be as abnormal as your original fear.
The subject of NLP is too complex to do it justice on a website such as this but I below are three techniques (Phobia Cure, Tapping and Your Inner Critic) that I have found extremely useful.
Phobia Cure
The following descries how to use NLP to overcome a fear dogs. You can use the same technique to overcome any kind of fear or phobia.
The process to overcome your fear will take you no more than 15 minutes. All you need is 15 minutes of quiet time.
How does it work?
Let’s take an example – a Fear of Dogs.
- Suppose you had a Fear of Dogs and I asked you to imagine walking through a park when a large dog came running up to you. You would feel terrified.
- Now suppose I asked you to imagine the same scene but instead of the dog running up to you, it ran up to someone else, you are observing the scene from a place of safety far away. You would feel safe - not threatened by the dog.
- Surprisingly if I now asked you to remain as a spectator in that safe place but to see yourself in the distance with the dog then you would still feel safe.
Your brain processes information in two main ways – it either analyses it or experiences it.
When you think in an experiential way, you feel as if you actually experience those emotions and feelings, even though it’s only in your head. This is what happens in situation 1) above, you actually experience the fear.
When you think in an analytical manner, you feel as if you’re separated from the information, you wont actually feel the fear. In situations 2 and 3 you take the spectator’s point of view. You get to see all the experience but without actually experiencing it yourself.
Over the years you have reinforced your phobia, every time you re-live it, (experience it), your feelings get stronger and your fear gets multiplied. NLP overcomes your phobia by changing your experiential thinking about your fear to analytical thinking that is you will be able to think about your fear without the associated bad feelings.
The NLP Phobia Cure works by moving you to a different frame of view. First you go to a spectator point of view where you are watching yourself on a movie screen. Second you take another leap away from your phobia, by moving to the projection box looking down on yourself in the movie theatre watching yourself on the screen. This way, you look at yourself, looking at yourself having / experiencing the Fear of Dogs. Don’t worry if this sounds too complicated, just trust me – it works!
One small warning before we move on to the NLP Phobia Cure. It will definitely help you overcome your phobia but if you use it on a pleasant memory instead of a phobia, you will neutralize the pleasant memory! Probably forever. Be careful. Use it to rid yourself of your fears, not the happy times of your life.
THE NLP PHOBIA CURE
- Close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting comfortably in a movie theatre. It is important to make this imaginary experience as real as possible, what colour are the seats? How do they feel? Hear the projector clicking away. Use your senses (vision, hearing, touch, smell) to really create the experieince.
- Put on the screen a black and white image of a younger you in the situation just before you experience your Fear of Dogs. To make it easier, imagine one of the last times you have experienced Fear of Dogs. Where was it? What did you wear? Were there other people around you? Get the memory back, but don’t go through the experience yet!
- Stop the film, just like in a movie, just before you began to experience your Fear of Dogs. See yourself on the screen. You sit in the theatre and you see an image of yourself on the screen. It is very important. Notice that you have taken the spectator’s point of view. It will change your feelings about your Fear of Dogs immediately, since you’re not re-experiencing the fear / phobia, but your other-self is, on the screen.
- Now, anchor this feeling. You feel a kind of psychological distance from the Fear of Dogs at this point. Anchor it by applying some unique physical element. For example, you might want to squeeze your thumb and middle finger together, a few times, each time with the same kind of pressure.
- There are 3 ways you experience this internal movie -
- Visual (what you see), Auditory (what you hear), Kinesthetic (what you sense and feel). In Visual, the picture could be bright or dark or somewhere in the middle. It could be on your right or left, above or below, or even panoramic. It could be in black and white or colour or shades of grey.
- In Auditory, the voice or sound could be surrounding, maybe you hear an internal voice that is slow paced and deep and the tempo is in a certain way. Maybe there are other voices as well, coming from the left to the right or vice versa.
- In Kinesthetic, you may feel a certain sensation somewhere in your belly. With many people, a “phobia” sensation is felt in the belly or chest. What is that feeling like? Maybe it’s warm, maybe it’s cold or maybe it’s itchy or has a certain structure to it. Maybe it moves around, to where and from where?
- Your job in this stage is to find which of these three senses have the most effect on you. You find that out by altering them one by one.
For example, you still see yourself on that screen (remember, you’re sitting in the theatre watching yourself on the screen). You might see the movie a bit darker… does that change your feeling? In what degree?
Now return to the original memory and change / alter some other sense e.g. turn up the sound, turn up the bass. Change the background colour, for example, or the pitch of the sound. Again, does that change your feeling? In what degree? Maybe change the frame of the movie (if it’s frameless make it a frame, close the picture in a box). And so on.
- Now it’s time to remove yourself one more time from Fear of Dogs. The way you do this is by imagining yourself floating out of your body (the one that sits in the 12th row of the theatre) and float to the projection booth above.
Now you are spectating twice: You are now in the projection booth looking at yourself sitting in the 12th row at the theatre, looking at yourself on the screen just about to experience a Fear of Dogs, but not yet.
The picture is still in freeze mode. You’re actually watching your “today’s” self watching a younger self on the screen. So as you’re watching that adult you sitting in the theatre, allow yourself to see beyond it and watch also the still picture on the screen.
If at any time later on, you feel uncomfortable (when you will run the movie of Fear of Dogs), simply remind yourself of your point of view – looking at yourself looking at yourself on the screen.
Just remind yourself that you’re not IN the picture, but that you’re watching it way up from a secure place.
- Now hit the “play” button in the projection booth and watch the Fear of Dogs movie from the projection box. By that I mean, see yourself sitting in the 12th row (look from above since you’re in the projection booth) and see that person (you) looking at a younger you on the screen having the experience.
For some reason, Fear of Dogs doesn’t look so intimidating all of a sudden, does it?
Watch the movie of Fear of Dogs from beginning to end.
At first, play the movie as snapshots (like slides) in black and white.
Watch the complete scene. Then let it play a bit longer, beyond the end of it, to a time when the bad feelings and experience disappear and you see your younger you in a place of pleasure and safety.
Now freeze the frame of the pleasure time.
- Now you must act fast. Read through the instructions and then follow them.
In ONE moment, REWIND (just like with a VCR, press “rewind” and watch how the movie goes backward fast). High speed rewind. But the difference is - rewind as if you’re IN the film itself, doing everything backwards.
You will actually experience the Fear of Dogs from the end to the beginning in a very fast mode. From this point of view (In the movie), you’ll see a confusion of lights, sights and jumbling of sounds (because you’re rewinding you can’t hear the words, they’re reversed).
When you get to the beginning, stop the frame, quickly put yourself into the comfortable scene at the end of the movie (remember, the one where you are in a place of pleasure and safety).
Now, push the rewind button again and experience the whole thing rewinding.
Again as if you’re in the movie, doing everything backwards from the end to the beginning.
It should take just a few seconds to fast rewind. Notice how you’re feeling rewinding the Fear of Dogs.
Everything happens in reverse, just like rewinding a real movie in your VCR.
Now when you arrive at the beginning again, open your eyes, clear the screen and take a few seconds break. Breath, stretch and so on.
Now go again to that scene of pleasure at the end of the movie. Make it as real as possible – feel, see, smell, hear in it fully.
NOW REWIND! Fast! Rewind even faster than before, as you do you’ll notice you can do the whole thing in just one or two seconds. VOOOOSh!
Again. Pleasure scene – REWIND FAST. Open your eyes, breathe for a moment, close your eyes – do that again. Six or seven times as fast as you can.
- Take a few minutes break. Do something else. To test how you did overcome your Fear of Dogs, simply try to recall the original memory and see if you can get the feelings back.
Try as hard as you can to experience Fear of Dogs as you did back then. You may certainly find that you might see the movie but the emotions are not as heavy at all.
Now go and live your life free from the Fear of Dogs.
TAPPING
This “tapping” technique helps you reduce anxiety or fear of situations or events.
It works by making your brain switch quickly from the right side to the left side. This helps ‘re-program’ your brain so that the association between the event and the feeling (anxiety, fear) is broken. The technique works equally well for breaking the craving for foods etc.
Do not dismiss it. At first it sounds funny, ridiculous that tapping parts of your body can free you from fear but believe me it really does work.
Using your index and second fingers two tap the following body parts ten times in the sequence below:
- Above the eyes
- Under the eyes
- Collar bone
- The “karate chop” point of your hand (either hand)
- Back of your hand
- Keep tapping your hand, then close and open your eyes once, then look to the right then to the left
- Keep tapping your hand while rolling your eyes clockwise then anti-clockwise
- Start humming a tune (any tune)
- Then count from one to five
The anxiety should be gone or drastically reduced – if not, repeat the routine again.
You should only have to do the routine a maximum of two times.
Your Inner Critic
You may have a voice or voices in your head that criticises or makes you feel bad. The voice may nag you, criticise you or remind you of silly things you did. It may also point out to you what could go wrong in the future. It seems unfriendly, negative and unhelpful.
The voice means well – it is trying to protect you from past mistakes and it is trying to prevent you from future mistakes. The problem is that it is hard to listen to because of the negative, critical way it speaks. Let’s change this for the better, make the voice more positive, helpful and constructive.
Listen to your inner critic. (If there is more than one voice, start with just one.) Where does the voice come from? Can you hear it in one ear, or both ears? Whose voice do you hear? If it's your voice how do you sound? Do you sound like you, or like you're speaking someone else's words? Is the tone of the voice friendly, or hostile? What does the voice say?
How does the voice make you feel when you listen to it? Take a moment to notice …
Now move the voice to your big toe. How does that change your response? What if speaks in your other ear? From across the room? From the other side of the street?
Try changing the volume. Add some static, like a radio station with poor reception. How do you feel now?
Experiment with the sound of the voice. If it says harsh, hostile, or angry words, have it say them in a sweet, loving, supportive voice. What if it sounds like Daffy Duck? Whispers? Squeaks? Give it a silly lisp, and play goofy music as it speaks. How do you feel as you listen?
Suggest to the voice that you are more likely to listen to it if it tells you what you do right (instead of what you do wrong), makes helpful suggestions before you make a mistake (instead of criticizing afterward, when it's too late), and speaks in a friendly, supportive way that you will want to listen to. How does it respond?
Believe it or not, you can change your relationship with internal voices, make friends with them, and achieve inner harmony.
An internal voice that supports and encourages you, and gives you good advice, can do a lot to make your life better.
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